Ornithophobia

How I met the goddess

I was waiting for my coffee at the Wentworth Bakehouse. I’d already devoured my sausage roll while standing there in a queue. It was quite busy that Saturday. Locals and tourists, all wanting the famous Bakehouse fare. So many people love this place.

I was feeling a bit cold as the autumn breeze breathed its way past the thick plastic curtain shield at the edge of the covered area. People sat at tables consuming coffee, takeaway pies and croissants. The warm smells were tantalising. I hadn’t much time to waste waiting in lines! I had the afternoon off and I wanted to make the most of it.

There were pigeons, as usual, tippety-tapping across the thin roof above us, and sparrows chasing each other across the floor competing for tasty crumbs. Rather a lot of them today I thought, when suddenly a young woman squealed as two sparrows came towards her feet. Conversation stopped and everyone looked. She took steps backwards and trod on my boot. Luckily it was a steel capped work boot and I didn’t feel it, but my arms went around her as we almost overbalanced together.

She was crying and seemed very afraid of the tiny little brown sparrows, hopping cutely but intently towards her.

“It’s okay”, I said. “They won’t hurt you.”

She turned in my arms and buried her face in my shoulder. I patted her soothingly on the back, stroking her long brown hair as she sobbed.

“I’m so sorry! I have a fear of birds. They’re everywhere!”

She looked up into my face; her long dark eyelashes were glistening wetly, around a pair of stunning grey eyes.

“Ornithophobia.”, I said.

“Yes!”, her breath hitched as she spoke. I could feel her heart hammering against me.

“Breathe. Slowly. I’ve got you.”

She pulled carefully away from me as she gulped air.

“Let’s get out of here.”, I said calmly. She held my arm as we pushed past customers, some of whom made sympathetic noises and stepped aside.

We emerged through the swinging doors into the courtyard. It occurred to me that it was quite strange for so many pigeons and sparrows to be inside the covered space while there was a crowd. They usually plagued the joint when it was quieter during the working week. We sat on the wall, facing tree-lined Wentworth Street.

“What about your coffee?”, she asked when she had calmed down. A little.

“It seems I don’t need a caffeine hit after all!”, I grinned ruefully. “Have you always been afraid of birds?”

“Since as far back as I remember. I can appreciate how beautiful and fascinating they are, but everywhere I go there are birds, birds and more birds. Magpies don’t swoop me, but they follow me from tree to tree. Cockatoos squawk at me, crows bring me trinkets. I’m not safe at night either. Owls fly past my car, and stare at me from quite close up. Wattle birds and Crimson Rosellas come into my house if I leave a door open. King Parrots peer down from the gutters outside my windows, whistling. A satin bowerbird built its bower in my back garden. It left blue stones and bottle tops all over my path. I can’t hang the washing out!”

“You’re not imagining it? I mean, I love birds, but I don’t see that many of them, even in Blackheath. In fact, I’m a keen falconer. I don’t hunt with birds, but I have a Wedge Tailed Eagle that I rescued as a hatchling. I take him out to the escarpment regularly for a good fly.”

“I’m not so scared of the big ones; they don’t move so flitteringly! Look over there now! There are sooo many birds in this country!”

“Bloody hell! I’ve never seen so many birds in this street before, and I come here at least once a week for a coffee break when I’m working!”

“It’s like this all the time! Have you not noticed?”

“No, I swear it’s not! Not like this!”

“And they’re all looking at me!”

“You know what, I reckon you’re right! They are!”

I had to admit, they were all generally facing our direction, despite their twittering and flitting about. She grabbed my arm again and I could feel her panicked grip. “Can I walk you home?”

“No, I’m staying with friends in Blackheath and they’ve all gone climbing down at Porter’s Pass. I chose not to go with them because there would be birds down there. I try to stay away from natural bush areas. I was going to visit the bookshop and maybe the library where it’s safe. They won’t be back for hours! And I don’t have a key!”

“We could go sit for a while in the Gardiner’s Inn. Maybe get a drink.”

“Yes, that would great. Alcohol always helps when I feel like this.”

“We’ll drop my truck home and walk back if you like, then I’m free to have a few drinks too.”

She came into the house that I shared with a few flatmates, still holding my arm. They raised their eyebrows, she was quite a looker, and I was known for avoiding women after my last breakup. “I just have to feed Hector before I go.”, I told her. “I must warn you that he is a bird! A large one! But he’s quite tame and is only aggressive to small/medium edible mammals! Do you want to see him?”

“I could look at him from the doorway if he’s not going to fly around.”, she replied bravely.

We walked to the back of the house where Hector’s perch resided. To my amazement, when my new phobic friend came into Hector’s line of sight, albeit from a safe distance, Hector did something I had never seen before. He spread his enormous wings, and quite deliberately bowed slowly on his perch.

“Holy shit, I think you’re a bird goddess! No wonder they won’t leave you alone! Is your name Athena or something!”

“Yes, it is. How did you know?”